Even though I’m broken…. I still have to build

I went through a season of life, where nothing made sense. The new cliché saying in my generation, is "trust the plan for your life". But being honest, everybody doesn’t have the ability to do that. Everybody has had their own share of success and failure, some people more failure than success and vise- versa. So this process of trusting isn’t as easy for some of us. This message is for those of us like me who struggle with this “trusting” business. So as you can see on my time line, I’m a girl on the go. And I found myself running around doing so much and I one day I was like….. What am I doing this for? What is the point? Who even cares, no one even pays attention to me…I got so stuck in this thought pattern that I just stopped. I stopped working on my goals, my passion, I just stopped.

It was one day that I was sitting around doing laundry of all things (random) that I had this epiphany. Even though I was broken, I still had a responsibility to build.

Many people have said that failure is a necessary ingredient for success. For me failure made me more selfish in a way. I was so consumed with ALL of the many things that I’ve lost, in my head that removed me from any responsibility to give.

My failure became my excuse to stop trying, it became the rock I built my life on. I didn’t believe in anything anymore. I couldn’t even believe in myself. This continued dead end thinking left me with an unyielding sense of frustration, emptiness and depression.

I thought about things in the natural. There are some things you buy that are already made, take it out of the box, and its ready to go. But there are somethings we buy that come with instructions, because there is an expectation for you to build. Even when we are born, we are not born as adults, we are born as babies, because there is an expectation for us to GROW. Even in nature, a Redwood tree can grow upward to 400ft tall, but even in its expansive glory, it begins as a seed, it has to GROW. SO as I kept thinking about this “plan” that was allegedly for my life, I realized that maybe there was a small chance that I had one. One designed to help me grow and build to be the best version of myself. It’s hard for me to see it sometimes, when it seems like everybody is getting what I have worked so hard and prayed for (constantly thrown in my face). So what I had to PAINFULLY learn, is even in the seasons of life where I don’t get what I want, I still have to get up, show up and keep trying. You will never see the masterpiece being created in you if fail to realize that broken pieces often create a stronger structure.